Love Always Trusts

This is a guest post. Originally posted in May 2011 by my wife, Melissa. Her thoughts are an excellent example of the great discussions we have. Please read and enjoy. You can see her blog here

Every couple weeks a group of us married women get together for fellowship, to encourage one another and to share what we are learning in our bible study & walk with God. We take turns planning the lesson and this past week it was mine. It occurred to me that in our particular group, I am the oldest (though not by much lol) and have also been married the longest, so I took upon myself the charge in Titus 2 for the older women to “urge the younger women to love their husbands and children”.

My husband and I have been through quite a cornucopia of challenges in the 12 years we’ve been married, from the typical “you left the lid off the toothpaste AGAIN” spats to serious relationship stressors such as (but not limited too) job loss, serious illness, major behavioural challenges with kids, failed business ventures & bankruptcy, and the loss of a child. So yeah, you can say we’ve been through the grinder. Surprisingly, each of these challenges, while bringing temporary and minor setbacks in our marriage, have only proven to strengthen our relationship not only with each other, but with God. I have pondered many times why we get through these tough times with renewed faith and peace of mind while other couples fall apart at the mere sight of the lid left 6 inches away from the toothpaste tube. The conclusion I came to is the aspect of love that is probably the hardest to commit to: trust.

1 Corinthians 13:7 has been on my mind lately:

It [love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

The concept of “love always trusts” has been at the forefront of these thoughts, especially as applied to parenting and to the calling we have as a wife. It’s been so in my face that I figured the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me something so I decided to dig in and see what the bible has to say on the subject. I started this study focused purely on what it means to trust God in my parenting and as a wife to my amazing husband. While digging, tangents, as these things do, cropped up, trying to lead me astray and turn a 10 minute devotional into a full-fledged 45 minute sermon. I managed to pare this blog back down to the original focus, but be warned that there is now much fodder for future blogs rolling around in my mind 😉

OK. Back to the focus… Love always trusts. We say we love God, but do we trust him, especially with our kids and in our roll as wives? What is trust anyways? From dictionary.com:

TRUST

noun

• reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence
• confident expectation of something; hope

verb

• to have trust or confidence in; rely or depend on
• to believe
• to expect confidently; hope

[As a side note, I was surprised at how closely this definition resembles Hebrews 11:1.]

It is all over Proverbs and Psalms that we are not to put our trust in other human beings (Psalm 118:8). Even those closest to us will disappoint and hurt us (Micah 7:5). But does that mean we shut down or shut others out and keep away from everybody? Most definitely not. There is a difference between trusting someone and trusting IN someone. The only one we should trust IN is God. We are called to love one another as Jesus has loved us (John 13:34). Since love always trusts, we are called to trust one another as Jesus has trusted us. In my opinion (obviously, as this is my blog) what he trusts about us is our desires to obey God and to do what is right. He knows that we will bumble along, fall and fail, but he trusts that we will get up and keep trying. This is the same trust that we need to have with each other. But more importantly, Jesus trusts that God is in complete control. You know what’s cool? God will always be there for us when we trust him.

For in Scripture it says; “See I lay a stone in Zion, a chosen and precious cornerstone, and the one who trusts in him will never be put to shame.” –1 Peter 2:6

The quote in that verse is from Isaiah 28:16

So this is what the Sovereign LORD says: “See, I lay a stone in Zion, a tested stone, a precious cornerstone for a sure foundation; the one who relies on it will never be stricken with panic.”

Have you ever been stricken with panic? I have, especially when something happens to my kids. Last summer my then 4 year old daughter was bugging me to go on a bike ride. I was busy working and kept putting off her request again and again. About an hour after her last plea I realized the house was too quiet. Yep, you guessed it. Being the independent, self-confident and very social little lady that she is, she took matters into her own hands and went for a bike ride on her own. PANIC!!! It really was a fight not to panic, as I enlisted my then 8 year old son to get on his bike and search the paths for his sister while I got in the car and drove around the neighbourhood. Did she go down to the lake and fall in? Did she get hit by a car while disobediently crossing a street? Did she fall and hurt herself? Did someone snatch her?

After about 15 minutes I found her a couple blocks from our house, merrily riding down the sidewalk waving and saying hi to everyone she passed by. She was on her way home after going to a small playground by our house. She had kept to the paths and not crossed a road and was coming home in time for dinner. We are very blessed to live in a neighbourhood that has a near zero crime rate so even logically I had no reason to be afraid. But you never know. And that’s exactly where that sneaky Devil will attack in your mind. In our society anxiety is a well-used weapon in his arsenal because it attacks our love’s weakest link: trust.

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. –Isaiah 26:3

If trust brings peace then a lack of trust breeds anxiety. When we are anxious about something is it not because we are relying on ourselves or someone else rather than trusting in God? Especially with our kids. We want to protect them, which is part of love, but how much protection is too much? How much bubble wrap is too much? Do we really trust God where our kids are concerned? Yes, we need to be shrewd when it comes to what we will permit them to do and what we won’t, but how much bubble wrap do we use before we suffocate them? Are we teaching them to deal with life and how to get up after falling or are we trying to protect them from ever falling in the first place?

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. –Proverbs 3:5-6

[Just an FYI…this is my all-time favourite scripture; it’s pretty much the theme for my life so it will pop up in almost everything I write.]

There is a footnote at the end of verse 6 that states an alternate translation:“in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths”. I think this version is a more accurate description of the path God has laid out for each of us as it will never be straight as an arrow. On straight paths you can see what’s coming and that is NOT what happens in real life. Our path to God is often like a trail of switchbacks up a mountain. It’s hard work and you are never really sure what lies ahead, be it a mini rock slide to navigate or a rest area with an amazing view. We never know what’s on the other side of the next switch but we persevere and trust that God will take us where he wants us to go, and that at the end of the trail, at the top of the mountain, is an eternal reward.

We each have our own path. Being married, our path is like a cross country ski path, a pair of grooves side by side, my husband and I, two skis attached to a single body. Our kids are on their own path. We can tie them to us keeping them safe and close, and we need to when they are small, but if we keep them there when they are older how are they going to find their own way? Our kids need to find their own path. Are we teaching them to navigate it for themselves, to trust in God themselves, or are we holding tight and trying to force them along the path God has ordained for ourselves? As they grow up we need to trust our kids in the way that Jesus trusts us, trust in their desire to follow God of their own volition. But so much more than that we need to trust that God loves them MORE than we do and is going to do as much to keep them on their correct path as he does to keep us on ours. If love always trusts, how true is our love for God if we don’t trust him with our kids?

There are some things in this life that we are powerless to stop. Job is a perfect example of this. He was successful in business and family and he was “blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil”. (Job 1:1) In his dealings with people he would have been honest yet shred, making righteous decisions that did not wilfully put his family in harm’s way. He raised his kids to adulthood, which back then was a feat in itself, and taught them to respect and fear God. And once they were adults and had families of their own, he would present sacrifices to God on their behalf, just in case (Job 1:5), trying to keep that bubble-wrap around them spiritually. But they were killed anyways. There are some things that we can’t prevent, no matter how much we prepare and protects. But this is exactly why we need to trust in God.

As God-fearing women there is one other area of our lives where trust is pushed to the limit; in our role as a wife.

Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Ephesians 5:24

Submission. At the mere mention of this word most women raise their guard, stick their fingers in their ears and sing “la la la la la I can’t hear you la la la la la” lol. I know. I’ve been there. I’ve tried every argument possible to justify circumventing this command. I’ve tried living in my marriage as if that word didn’t exist and you know what? It kinda sucked, unless you thrive on arguments and strife and don’t mind living with an overall air of unease and anxiety. Keep reading with an open mind and you may be surprised at the brilliance of God’s plan.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. –1 Peter 3:3-6

What is right is to submit ourselves, our will, our lives to our husband, just like the church is to submit to Christ. I really think this is what Peter was talking about when he called us the weaker partner (1 Peter 3:7); not only do we need to submit everything we are and have to Jesus as our lord, we need to do the same with our husbands. On the surface it does suck and seem unfair (and I could go on and on but that would be digressing) because we in no way have decision-making power like the guys do, unless they give it to us. How on earth can God expect us to submit to this guy who routinely makes decisions we might not understand or agree with? By trusting in HIM, not our husbands. They are human and will make mistakes. [Right now this computer is acting like a real bugger and is frustrating me to no end, which leads me to believe that I’m on the right track and someone *coughSatancough* is trying to discourage the posting of this.]

Anyways…where was I? Right. Obeying our husbands. How does God expect us to show love to Him? By obeying his commands.

In fact this is love for God: to keep his commands. –1 John 5:3a

It just so happens that one of his commands is for wives to submit to their husbands and to respect them. But why don’t we want to? Because it scares the crap out of us to relinquish control of our lives to someone else. But can we really say we love God and follow Jesus if we can’t even lay down our lives for our husbands?

And this is love: that you walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love. –2 John 1:6

We show God we love him by living a life that is obedient to his commands, and the summary of those commands is to live a life that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. That is why at the end of 1 Peter 3:6 he exhorts us to not give way to fear but to trust in God. If we keep our eyes focused on God, and in our marriages strive to always protect our husbands, always trust that regardless what happens God will fight for our salvation, always hope for the reward of heaven and always persevere in these things, then we will be at peace. We may not understand or agree with the decisions our husbands make or the things they ask us to do, but we can most certainly trust that God will protect our soul and spirit.

The LORD will fight for you; you only need to be still. –Exodus 14:14

Be still and know that I am God. –Psalm 46:10

In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. –Psalm 33:21

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. –Isaiah 26:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. –Romans 15:13

Remember that unfading beauty of a quite and gentle spirit from 1 Peter 3:4? That is our strength.

This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength” –Isaiah 30:15

That passage carries on to say that we “would have none of it”, which sounds just like most women today. For some reason we fight so hard to have the very thing that causes us distress instead of giving ourselves over to God, trusting him and resting in his peace. Like Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9, God’s power is made perfect in our weakness.

Want a peaceful, joyful life? It’s very, very simple.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. –Proverbs 3:5-6